O post de hoje foge um pouco à lenga lenga de beleza, moda e afins (que adoro!), mas hoje preciso de desabafar. A verdade é que já há muito que me sinto infeliz comigo mesma e isso vai-se refletindo negativamente nas relações que mantenho com as pessoas da minha vida.
Há coisa de um ano perdi bastante peso, muito devido ao trabalho mas também devido em grande parte à doença com a qual convivo todos os dias. Passar de uma pessoa com um aspeto saudável, que sempre foi elogiada pelas suas curvas bonitas e em 'ampulheta', a uma pessoa que nem sequer chega aos 47kg e a quem muitos dizem ter aspeto de doente... Não é fácil. Muitas pessoas pensam que é só engordar em demasia que destrói a auto-estima de uma pessoa, mas nem sempre é assim. Com tantos comentários infelizes e preocupações por vezes mal expressas, passei a não gostar daquilo que vejo no espelho e a sentir, pouco a pouco, a imagem e confiança que tinha em mim mesma quase desaparecer.
Bem sei que há problemas mais graves - e eu lido com eles - mas é muito triste ter a auto-estima na merda, sentir-me 'ameaçada' e com ciúmes de x, y ou z por não me sentir bonita, ver que nada me serve e sentir-me um pau de espeto em qualquer trapo que vista... Enfim. Sinto que este post não foi nada eloquente, mas foi uma espécie de 'diarreia' verbal para tentar aliviar este peso no peito que me anda a perseguir há imenso tempo. Só espero que esta fase passe rápido para voltar a ser o meu eu antigo!
Today's post steps away from the usual beauty, fashion and such (even though I love it!), because I kinda need to get stuff off my chest. The truth is I haven't been feeling good about myself in a long time and that is slowly creeping into important relationships in my life.
About a year ago I lost a whole lot of weight, mostly due to work stress but also mainly because of the disease I'm forced to be friends with on a daily basis. I went from having a coveted hourglass shape and yummy curves to weighing about 45kg and being told I look sick... It ain't easy, friends. A lot of people think only overweight people have the right to feel bad about themselves, but that's not always the case - skinny shaming is real too, people. With an array of unfortunate comments and wrongly expressed concern, I now hate what stares back at me in the mirror and feel as if my body confidence and self esteem is dissipating by the minute.
I'm very aware there's more acute problems in the world - and I deal with those too, believe me - but it's sad when your self esteem is down in the dumps and you feel threatened and like you must compare yourself to girl a, b or c because you feel as if you look horrendous (as if you don't deal with enough stress as it is), seeing that nothing (!) fits and feeling like a twig in anything I wear... Yeah. I feel as though this post was anything but eloquent, but I needed to have a little bit of verbal 'diarrhoea' to try and relieve this aching on my chest. I just hope this grim phase fudges off fast enough so I can go back to being the happy me I was before!
Today's post steps away from the usual beauty, fashion and such (even though I love it!), because I kinda need to get stuff off my chest. The truth is I haven't been feeling good about myself in a long time and that is slowly creeping into important relationships in my life.
About a year ago I lost a whole lot of weight, mostly due to work stress but also mainly because of the disease I'm forced to be friends with on a daily basis. I went from having a coveted hourglass shape and yummy curves to weighing about 45kg and being told I look sick... It ain't easy, friends. A lot of people think only overweight people have the right to feel bad about themselves, but that's not always the case - skinny shaming is real too, people. With an array of unfortunate comments and wrongly expressed concern, I now hate what stares back at me in the mirror and feel as if my body confidence and self esteem is dissipating by the minute.
I'm very aware there's more acute problems in the world - and I deal with those too, believe me - but it's sad when your self esteem is down in the dumps and you feel threatened and like you must compare yourself to girl a, b or c because you feel as if you look horrendous (as if you don't deal with enough stress as it is), seeing that nothing (!) fits and feeling like a twig in anything I wear... Yeah. I feel as though this post was anything but eloquent, but I needed to have a little bit of verbal 'diarrhoea' to try and relieve this aching on my chest. I just hope this grim phase fudges off fast enough so I can go back to being the happy me I was before!
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